24. A Cowards Revenge

Time ceased to be important as I sat gazing upon the scene before me. Lying peacefully amongst the grass was the most beautiful woman in my world. The lush foliage in vibrant greens and purples, which surrounded her body, were nothing short of a vision.
After relinquishing her lips from mine, she found a comfortable place to rest, the weariness from the ride had taken its toll.
I watched in dreamlike amazement, surely that’s all this was…a dream.


“Sir, you seemed very far away just now, is everything well?" Even though her lips had a hint of a smile, she seemed nervous.


"Edward, please,” I beseeched her. “I don't think anything has ever brought me more pleasure than to hear my name fall from your lips."


"I thought my playing did that," she smirked.


She was being playful, the little vixen. Well, two could play at that game.


Leaning down toward her, I brought my fingers to her face and softly stroked her cheek. I gazed into her eyes for a moment before bringing my lips to hers. Stopping within a breath of her, I whispered, "I do believe, Isabella, many things you do bring me pleasure."


Her eyes widened and her lips parted just a fraction.


I closed the distance, showing her just how much she made me feel.


~I~I~I~I~I~


"Isabella? Why did you run from me that day in the garden?" It was a question that had been gnawing at me.


She turned her head, "I was embarrassed, Sir..." I coaxed her back to meet my gaze.


"Edward, please."


"I felt... what must you think of me? The woman who had so cruelly dismissed you, walking around the grounds of your home." Her cheeks flamed as she sought to look away. I held her face gently, trying to show her she had nothing to fear.


"I treated you so horribly, I would not have been surprised if you had thrown me from your home, and..."


"Isabella," I was both hurt and angry that she thought I was so unfeeling, that I could do that to her.


"Worse still, was that you would think I had placed myself there with the purpose of trying to win back your favor." A tear slipped from her eye and fell slowly down her cheek. I wiped it away, replacing it with a gentle kiss.


"Isabella, you are the absolute perfection I have been waiting for. You're all I want, and it took me too long to realize you were everything I needed as well. I once thought you were both my heaven and hell... I’ve come to realize living without you is a hell I can't endure."


"We are quite a pair, are we not? All this unnecessary suffering." Though she jested, I could see the pain still evident in her eyes.


"Shhh," I plead. "No more unhappy thoughts today."


We spent the better part of the next hour talking and laughing. I had not felt so free since I was a boy.


"How would you like to announce our engagement?" I had been so wrapped up in us that I'd forgotten a very important person I still needed to speak with. "I need to get your father's permission first of course, but I don't think I will be able to keep this news from Alice for too long."


She giggled, "Your sister is lovely, Edward; I truly enjoy her company, and I can see now she has you firmly wrapped around her finger."


I couldn't help but laugh because it was true, "Could we perhaps tell her the news this afternoon? It wouldn't be very far out of our way, or would you rather wait until tonight?"


Isabella’s smile fell, "Oh, would you be very disappointed if we waited until tonight? I received two letters from my sister and put off reading them for our outing."


"Of course, you should read your letters; we will give her the good news tonight then. Perhaps I can show you your ring? I know you can’t wear it until I gain your fathers permission, but I would like you to see it all the same.”


“You already have a ring?” I noted the discomposure in her voice.


“The ring was my mothers, Isabella. I promise you I had no plans to propose today; I simply wanted to show you I was not the horrible person you had encountered in April.”


She shook her head and laughed quietly, “And here I’ve been distressed thinking you would remember what a shrew I had been toward you.”


We both burst into a hearty laugh. I was hopeful that we could put the past behind us.


As I looked at the sky, aware that the time to depart was upon us, my heart was with want to stay in the moment forever.


“Isabella, I am reluctant to give you back, but it is time I returned you to your companions before they send out a search party.”


“I am sure my Uncle Cullen understood your motives quite well when he allowed me to accompany you and your sister this afternoon." She paused for a moment, "Or did you have other plans all along, Sir?” She had a playful smirk on her face which only made my blood boil further.


“Isabella, since you seem to have a hard time calling me by my given name, I fear I will have to persuade you,” I said with a wicked grin.


Knowing this time alone was precious, and unlikely to happen again in the foreseeable future, I stood there, my body poised waiting for permission to proceed further.


For an agonizing moment it seemed as though neither of us were willing to take that first step.


Spending these last hours in her presence was a gift, knowing the looming separation would no doubt lead to many intolerable hours of not being at liberty to touch her, to express what my heart and body so desperately needed.


With that thought I moved towards her, wrapping my arms around her with a fierce possessiveness. I yearned to claim her - to taste her sweet lips once more.


As our lips moved together in an urgent rhythm, I sought to deepen the kiss, desperate in my need. Ever so slowly, I tested her by brushing my tongue cautiously against the fullness of her lips. A sudden intake of breath alerted me to the possibility I had once again assumed too much. Isabella became very still and though I waited for her to push me away, she stayed. She sank further into our embrace, sighing happily against my lips. With renewed hope, I deepened the kiss causing her body to shudder in my grasp. Her reaction fanned the flames of my desire causing them to burn within my heart, the pleasure threatening to engulf me.


All too aware of the precious gift she had entrusted me with, I slowly released her. I desperately needed to exert some self-control, but the desire I felt with each kiss had not diminished that need, it had grown more consuming.


Whispering across her cheek, I told her all that my heart felt, “I am yours, Isabella, as you are mine; I plan on spending the rest of my life loving you.”


As I neared the hollow just beneath her ear, I inhaled slowly, breathing in her potent fragrance. Our eyes met, and for the briefest moment time stood still.


“Edward,” she whispered against my neck, instantly rekindling my desire. “I feel too much when I’m with you, it frightens me sometimes.”


Pulling back, I looked at her with alarm, “Isabella, I apologize; it was never my intention to frighten you… I feel overwhelmed as well.”


Holding her hands in mine, she relaxed. “I was never afraid of you, I just never thought I would ever find a love so consuming, I was prepared…" she paused and looked away, shame covered her cheeks. “I was prepared for a life alone,” she admitted.


“Oh, my darling,” I cradled her head against my chest and placed feather light kisses in her hair. “There is no need to feel that way.”


“Thank you. I love you, Edward Masen.” She held me tighter before releasing me and stepped back.


“I think we better head back before we lose ourselves completely.” She said, pausing for a moment, “Edward, may I inform my Aunt and Uncle of our engagement?" I thought a moment, but she added quickly, "I don’t think I can contain my enthusiasm and my aunt is a smart woman, she will know something has changed.”


“Of course,” I agreed.
~I~I~I~I~I~
Our ride back was filled with lively conversation, such a stark contrast from earlier. I thought I already knew a great deal about Isabella Swan through what I believed was a careful study during our time in Hertfordshire and Kent. However, I realized I had barely begun to scratch the surface.
As we neared the outskirts of Lambton, I found myself already feeling the impending separation. I wondered what the acceptable time frame for an engagement was. If it were up to me, I would apply for a special license and marry her by the next fortnight. Either way, I would need to schedule a trip to Hertfordshire as soon as possible.
With the Inn in sight, Isabella grew more excited. Was she giddy at the prospect of leaving me so soon?
"Thank you for showing me Pemberley's grounds, I've never seen anything more beautiful Ed... Mr. Masen."
"Mr. Masen?" I sighed heavily, we were back to 'Mr. Masen'.
"Edward," she hissed, "We are in public now, you can't expect me to call you by your given name when we aren't even publicly engaged."
That hadn't even crossed my mind, "I see..." I leaned closer to her. "I suppose I will have to try extra hard to persuade you then, won't I?"
She huffed and kicked Pandora into a trot. Before I realized what she was going to do, she rode up to the Inn and stopped. I couldn't reach her before she jumped down from the saddle, nearly giving me a heart attack. She giggled, which at least told me she was unharmed. I would definitely be getting her back for that stunt.
Blackjack halted right beside Pandora. I leaned down to where Isabella was standing, her eyes alight with mischief. "That was very naughty, Isabella. Do you enjoy making me suffer?" Her eyebrow furrowed in confusion, "You realize I will then have to return the favor."
I dismounted, and lowered my head as if to kiss her. Her eyes grew wide, as they darted around looking to see if people were about. I grazed her cheek before stopping to speak, "Please don't ever take your safety so flippantly again. You are my life now, Isabella Swan."
I stepped back and she nodded, too overcome to speak. "Go and tell your Aunt and Uncle the happy news, I will see to the horses and join you in a moment." She gently took my hand, and then released it before walking in.
I tied up the horses quickly and walked into the Inn. The scene that greeted me was not what I expected, Isabella looked embarrassed, but her aunt and Uncle were both smiling at her. Mr. Cullen turned to me, his eyebrow raised slightly, “Well Mr. Masen, I expected you had feelings for my niece. But, I must say Sir, you moved much quicker than I anticipated." His expression serious he paused, "However, seeing how happy my niece is I am willing to overlook what I saw downstairs.”


I felt my cheeks redden, and scolded myself for not being more discreet, “I apologize, Sir.”
He waved me off, “No apologies needed, I should however warn you, her father would not be as lenient.”
“Uncle!” Isabella, gasped in horror. “You shouldn’t scare Mr. Masen; we have only been engaged a few hours.”
He chuckled “My dear, you are your father's favorite daughter, and I am only jesting." His face grew more somber, "However, I am sure Mr. Masen will find him less willing to part with you than if it were say... Victoria?” She made a face which told me she agreed.
I was becoming more and more nervous about Mr. Swan. I knew he wouldn’t deny my request, but it was in his power to hurt Isabella if he wasn’t entirely happy with her decision.
Mr. Cullen seemed to sense the change, “Your Aunt and I were going to walk to the church, would you like to accompany us?"
“Oh…um would you be terribly disappointed if I stayed behind to read my letters from Rose?” Isabella responded timidly.
Mrs. Cullen smiled warmly, "Of course not dear, your Uncle and I will walk to the church and call back for you in an hour.”
As they were preparing to leave I thought about Alice and whether she would expect me home. I didn't want to leave Isabella yet, but felt that I would smother her if I insisted on staying. I decided to speak up as Mrs. Cullen took her husbands arm. “I suppose I should return to Pemberley, then.” I tried to keep my expression neutral, as I looked at Isabella attempting to gage her reaction.
“I would... I mean would you mind staying, Sir? I shouldn’t be too long.” She looked down, “Unless you need to go, that is.”
I turned to Mr. Cullen, “If it is agreeable to you Sir, I can wait here and escort Isabella to the church after she has finished reading her letters."
He eyed me before agreeing. "Very well, an hour then, Isabella."
What was it about this man who could unnerve me so? I hoped this wasn't a family trait.
I sat in the chair by the window making myself comfortable. Isabella bid her companions goodbye and hastily retreated to the private sitting area which adjoined their bed chambers.
In her haste she left the door ajar; I would need to speak with her later about latching her doors, one never knew what persons could be about.
Time ticked by slowly.
I found myself twirling my cane, watching with fascination as the crystal top caught the reflection from the sun. Thousands of prisms filled the room when I adjusted the stone just so. I felt a carefree sort of lightness, finding the small discoveries in life were, in fact, the biggest.
I could still fulfill all my responsibilities and expectations, yet have happiness as well.
Such a small revelation, yet in my world where happiness was rarely achieved, I sat in awe at what was really in my grasp. I had found the woman whose intelligence challenged me, she forced me to see those things about myself I was too ashamed to admit; emotions I had long buried.
My mother understood me, her caring words and actions helped me bear the weight of responsibility I was being prepared for. When she died that support died with her, yet I could still hear her words.
'Responsibility to those in need should never be considered a burden.'
I was certain she would have loved Isabella, knowing she was exactly what I needed. I felt a love for her that rivaled my love for my family, if not more. I gripped the cane harder before hitting the floor with it hard in frustration, the resounding thud reverberated through the room.
Why had it taken me so long to see it?
My family, my parents… I looked at my fathers crested ring on my finger and wished they could have met Isabella. I had no doubts they would have found her as witty, charming and beautiful as I did.
I turned my attention to the people walking the streets, busying themselves with their everyday tasks. Lambton was a small town but industrious. The farms surrounding Pemberley, including my tenants, produced a great deal of the local food supply. Looking further, I noticed several children playing, carefree and happy. I had been that carefree once, before the weight of my responsibility had worn away all the optimistic happiness one carries as a youth.
I had become bitter, jaded, and unhappy.
Alice would argue against this, but sending her away was a decision based on my inability to cope any longer. Ramsgate had proved to be an eye opener that people could not be trusted, and this only caused me to further slip down the path I was already headed.
It wasn’t until I met Isabella, where I allowed myself to feel once more, that I realized how callous and unfeeling I’d become. And now I had another chance at life.
“No…no… why…” I heard her cry from the other room. I looked up immediately and was out of my chair and at her door.
“Isabella? What is it? Do you need assistance? Should I summon someone?"
I stood there straining to hear anything, but no sound filtered from the behind the door. Then I heard a strangled cry, “Good Lord, no.”
Without much thought to propriety, I pushed the door aside quickly and went to her as fast as I could, dropping to my knees in front of her and surveyed the sight in front of me.
A letter clutched in one hand, the other covering her mouth in horror, tears brimmed and fell in rapid succession.
“Isabella,” I reached up and grabbed her hand, holding it my own. “What’s happened?"
“No…no…why would she do this?” she cried.
Unable to handle the suspense a moment longer, I grabbed her face with my hands forcing her to look at me. “Isabella, please.” I begged her. “Please, let me help you. I can’t… your distress is too much.”
“Edward…” the whisper was laced with heartache. “Victoria, she… she has left her friends… has eloped.” She tiled her chin up and with a steely voice. “She has thrown her self into the power of Mr. Wickham.”
My heart cried out, No!
Immediately, I began questioning her as to their whereabouts and what was being done to recover her. As far as they knew they planned on traveling to Scotland where they would wed.
I knew James, Victoria was not the woman he would look for as a potential bride. He needed money, money only a wealthy heiress could provide. Victoria Swan would no doubt be nothing more than a passing fancy, and when he was bored she would be discarded like all the others. Forced to face society as a ruined woman, her family bearing the brunt of her disgrace.
Good Lord, Isabella. She would have to bear this. The choice of one sister had effectually ruined them all.
I needed to fix this… I would fix this.
I leaned forward and kissed her forehead, “Isabella, I will do whatever it takes to make this right.”
She burst into a renewed bout of tears, “But, Edward, how is such a man to be worked on? If only, if only I had been more open with my sisters, none of this would have happened! She is lost to us, and now we must all partake of her ruin and disgrace.”
She turned her face from me; I dropped my hands uselessly. “I cannot nor will I bring this disgrace to your family, Edward. You have fought for so long with this man. I will not be the means in which he ruins your family.”
I felt my heart fracture, as she pulled away from me. She saw herself as disgraced and no longer worthy of my love.
“Please never say that again, Isabella. I love you more than I ever thought I could love another. You have brought me a happiness I dared not dream I could attain. I will not let Wickham take that from me; until my last breath, I will fight for you.”
She looked up, I could see the hope and despair warring in her eyes.
“Please, my love, I cannot lose you when we just found one another, it would destroy me.”
“What can we do, Edward?”
I was still unsure how willing her father, or uncle, would be to accept my assistance. I knew James well and was positive he was still in London, well concealed.
“I will travel to London and begin searching. I have contacts which will be useful; the only problem I foresee is convincing James to marry Victoria.”
“You…” her eyes went wide. “You think he had no intention of ever marrying my sister?”
“No, I’m sorry, Isabella. Wickham has always intended on marrying well, he would never settle on a dowry less than ten thousand pounds.”
“Ten thousand pounds? Heaven forbid, she is lost…lost,” she whimpered.
“Time is of the essence. May I send a servant to fetch your Aunt and Uncle?”
She nodded and I left for only a moment. Once I found the servant and sent her to find Mr. Cullen, I returned to find Isabella had moved out to the public sitting room. I sat next to her and held her hand, giving her what comfort I could.
The door swung open, and Mr. Cullen ran through entrance. “What is it? We were told to return at once.” His face was full of alarm; Mrs. Cullen was right behind him.
Isabella stood and walked over to his collapsing in his arms. She handed the letter to her aunt who went to work reading it contents immediately. Mr. Cullen held his niece, trying to do what he could for her.
“Carlisle… This is dreadful news. Victoria has run away from Brighton, with the intention of eloping. It says Charles has been in London looking but has yet to find any trace of them.”
“Uncle, she has ruined everything…everything.” Isabella whispered.
“Shhh, Isabella, we will find them and they will marry.” He tried to convince her, but his expression was unconvinced.
“Sir, if I may, I would like to help search for her, I am familiar with Wickham and his habits.”
He shook his head, “I appreciate you offering your assistance Mr. Masen but this is a matter for her family.”
I understood his hesitation, after all this was exactly what I would have done in Alice’s case, had it come to that. “I understand your hesitation, however Sir, I am engaged to Isabella, and now consider her family a part of my own. I will do what ever I can to help my family.”
Mr. Cullen looked momentarily stunned, “I see that you will not be persuaded otherwise. I admit any assistance will be greatly appreciated, however since my brother does not know of your engagement, perhaps it would be wise to keep your involvement between us.”
“I agree, I would like to receive his blessing not out of obligation or because of my position, I would like him to know how deeply I care for his daughter.”
“Perhaps he will, I am not saying my brother will object, although Isabella is his favorite, rather he is a thoughtful, quiet man, whose opinions usually surprise me.”
I was suddenly feeling extremely nervous, would Mr. Swan reject my suit?
Mr. Cullen turned to his wife, “I am going to inform the innkeeper of our departure and make arrangement to have our coach readied.” He took her hand in an attempt to sooth her fears. “Shall I send help to ready our trunks?”
She nodded, and they left us alone.
Isabella was quiet, her face a blank mask. I was desperate to know what she was thinking but my fear kept me from pressing. Instead I tried a more neutral approach.


“Edward…”
“Isabella…”
“Please continue,” I implored.
She drew a steady breath her expression pained. “Edward, I am to be taken home by my Uncle, it seems we are being torn apart once more. I… I can’t ask you to risk your family or your reputation to save my sister. It is too much… I am not worth it.” She finished in a whisper.
I dropped to my knees in front of her, taking both her hands in mine. “Isabella, I need you to understand my name… Pemberley… it’s all meaningless. I would gladly give it all up, if it meant keeping you.” I felt near tears, I couldn’t lose her not now.


“Edward, I couldn’t live with myself knowing my sister’s disgrace ruined you and think of Alice!” she cried. “That man put her through hell, to have him associated with her.” She shook her head as the tears stained her cheeks.


“Please my love let me make this right, give me a chance. I will not let you go… I can’t.”


I looked up in earnest; willing her to see my sincerity. We looked at one another trying to will the other to understand.


“I am going to London to search; whether or not you still want me is another matter.”


She sucked in a harsh breath but I continued.


“I will not change course; I am yours until you order me away.”


She loosed her hands from my grip and gently cupped my face, “Never.”


I stood up and took her in my arms, holding her until we heard the door open.


“Isabella the trunks are ready to be taken down to the carriage. Are you finished saying goodbye?”


She looked helplessly between her aunt and I, “I suppose so,” she sighed helplessly.


I took her arm, “May I escort you down?”


We walked down in silence, the impending separation and the upcoming fight I knew was inevitable loomed like a storm on the horizon. When we reached the carriages, we were met by a flurry of activity. Servants scurried back and forth loading trunks while Mr. Cullen spoke to Mr. Waylon. I would send him my thanks for his assistance.
Realizing our time was drawing to a close, I turned to Isabella taking her hands in mine.
“Isabella, I will come for you, never doubt that. I will do whatever it takes to make you safe again, I love you.”
She smiled though it wasn’t the happy carefree smile from earlier in the day, “And I you.”
I assisted her into the carriage, holding onto her hand until the last possible moment. I watched helplessly as the carriage drove away, my mind begged her to look back at me one last time and as if hearing my plea, she looked back.
Time they say, stands still when you have a moment of clarity, to this I can attest.
At the moment she turned, I knew without a doubt she was my future the woman who would be my companion, my lover and mother of my children.
No matter the outcome of what lie ahead, I would fight for her. I would make her happy once more.

Duty and Desire teaser Ch 24

I couldn't help but laugh it was very true, "Could we perhaps tell her the news this afternoon? It would not be very far out of our way or would you rather wait until tonight?"


Isabella’s smile fell, "Oh... would you be very disappointed if we waited until tonight? I received two letters from my sister and put off reading them for our outing."

"Of course you should read your letters; we will give her the good news tonight then. Perhaps I can show you your ring. I know you can’t wear it until I gain your fathers permission, but I would like you to see it all the same.”

and because you have been so patient with me.....


"Isabella, you are the absolute perfection I have been waiting for. You're all I want and it took me too long to realize you were everything I needed as well. I once thought you were both my heaven and hell... I’ve come to realize living without you is a hell I can't endure."