All I Need

Can you still see the heart of me?

All my agony fades away

When you hold me in your embrace

Don't tear me down

For all I need

Make my heart a better place

Give me something I can believe

Don't tear it down

What's left of me

Make my heart a better place

All I need, Within Temptation

The rest of the afternoon was spent in anticipation for the evening to come. I had seen Mr. Cullen home in my carriage, not wanting him inconvenienced in any way. When I arrived back at Pemberley, I went straight to work making preparations for tomorrows outing. I only wanted the party to consist of Alice and Isabella, as well as myself; the exclusion of the others would be difficult. Emmett was a fine rider, however his sisters were not. I expected Tanya would try and garner herself an invitation, which was largely why I was handling the details myself. Though I knew my staff was loyal, it would be easy for her to overhear a conversation and ruin the outing.


While I was in the midst of sorting out the details a knock came at the door. "Come in." I replied.


Emmett appeared in the doorway, his features were tense and anxious. "Edward, I apologize for disturbing you, but I needed to speak with you, if you have a moment."


"Please Emmett, sit down." He sat and I waited for him to begin.


"Edward, it has been no secret that I have been miserable these past months. I thought I would be able to move on but my feelings are just as strong as they were then. I feel as though I've made a grave mistake." He looked torn, as if he feared my disapproval.


I inhaled deeply and rested both of my hands on the desk in front of me. I knew I needed to have this conversation with Emmett, however I did not imagine it would be now. I didn't feel like I could divulge what Isabella had told me without her consent. Not to mention, perhaps her sister would want to inform Emmett herself. I decided to stay on more neutral ground.


"When is the lease up on the property at Netherfield?"


He looked surprised by my question, "I leased it for a year… why, do you think I should cancel it?"


I shook my head, "No, perhaps you might take another trip to see if it suits you better." I paused… "Without your sisters."


He was silent for a moment, clearly trying to rationalize how to pull off such an attempt.


"Emmett, maybe just a shooting party would give you the opportunity to visit but without the expectations that would accompany a larger party." I suggested, though as the idea formed, I realized I would be able to accompany him and see Isabella.


I admit I was selfish enough to be excited about this turn of events.


He smiled, "That is a brilliant idea, however, it will have to wait until the end of the summer as I am expected to be in Scarborough." I could see he was trying to contain his excitement but was hesitant.


"Edward, what if they feel I acted apart to Miss Swan? It is possible the people of Meryton will want nothing to do with me, not to mention Miss Swan herself."


"Emmett, I am sure they will welcome you back, you were not engaged." He blanched, and I realized he probably would have proposed the next day if we had not convinced him to leave.


"Emmett… I owe you an apology. No, I owe you much more than that. I should never have interfered. It was not my decision, and it was very wrong of me to council you in anyway other than to lend my support of whatever decision you deemed right. I am truly sorry."


He looked at me for a moment. "Edward, it was ultimately my decision. I am the one who was convinced she didn't care for me without ever asking her. I danced around the subject so many times afraid of being rejected. I have never met anyone who was able to so thoroughly captivate me, yet make me so unsure of myself." I raised my eyebrow.


I knew exactly what he meant, Isabella had done the same to me.


"And not in the way your thinking, most women are easy for me to read. I never knew what to expect with Miss Swan. She was quiet and would answer any question I asked but never offered much of herself. I wasn't sure if that was because she was shy, or because she never cared for me."


I wanted to interrupt but he held his hand up to stop me.


"You only saw what I saw, and when we found out she had been engaged previously I panicked. It was cowardly and cruel what I did to her. I only hope she can forgive me."


"I am sure she will, Emmett." I replied sincerely.


He scoffed, "How can you be so certain?" He eyed my cautiously, and I tried to conceal my emotions before he realizixed I may know more than I let on.


"It doesn't matter, I will see for myself." He got up to leave, "Thank you, Edward. You will accompany me won't you?"


"Of course, Emmett."


He smiled and walked from the room leaving me too bewildered to move.


I finished all the arrangements; the stable hands would prepare Alice and my horses, as well as the one I specifically asked for Isabella. I wasn't sure how much experience she had as a rider. Not wanting to risk her being injured, I refrained from putting her on a more spirited horse. The grounds of Pemberley were extensive and I wasn't sure how much we would be able to see.


The meadow was located on the east side of Pemberley, which fortuitously was where Alice thought we could begin. I wondered about her easy acceptance of Isabella, most of the woman vying for my attention Alice disliked.


I smiled as I thought of how easily they had conversed, Alice seemed as taken with Isabella as I.


"Here we are, Sir." My valet brought out my dinner jacket.


"Thank you." I dismissed him and made my way out of my dressing room into my bed chamber.


I wandered over to my desk, my mind reflecting on the past. I reached out and grasped a pewter coffer, the Masen crest was embossed in gold filigree on the top. I carefully lifted the lid and peered inside. The coffer contained jewelry passed from generation to generation. My father had added to the collection with pieces he'd commissioned for my mother. Several pieces had been set aside for Alice when she came of age, the rest were to go to my wife.


I reached in and withdrew a red satin bag. Carefully loosening the ribbon, I emptied the contents into my palm.


It was a tiny familiar object, my mothers ring.


I had not looked at it for quite sometime. Time had not tarnished the metal nor lessened the luster of the stones. The emerald had been in the Masen family for many years, my father had the stone reset for my mother. The setting was simple by the standards of the class in which we belonged.


My mother had loved it instantly.


I tried to envision how the ring would look on Isabella's finger. If I was ever so fortunate to place this on her finger she would never go a day without knowing just how deeply I loved her.


After returning the ring to the coffer, I made my way downstairs to await the arrival of Isabella and her family.


Panic coursed through me, as I realized she only had a few short days here before she moved on to the next destination of her journey. Would the next two days be enough time for me to show her the depths of my feelings and hopefully set her on a path to see me in a different light?


I hoped with everything I had that it might be so.


~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~


Dinner was surprisingly pleasant. I wasn't sure if Emmett had anything to do with it, but the Harpy had not uttered a single word. Conversation flowed freely through a range of different topics. Isabella seemed comfortable unlike another dinner with much more dreary company.


Emmett looked more contented than I had seen him in months, I thought back to our conversation and smiled. I looked back at the guests and saw Isabella looking at me with a curious expression. I gave her a warm smile in return.


After dinner we moved into the music room, where Alice was able to play her new piano. Isabella had offered to help her turn the pages, which left me in the company of Mr. and Mrs. Cullen and Emmett, who was seated near. The other ladies and gentleman were seated on the far side. Mr. Crowley assumed his normal seat as close to the sprits as possible.


It made for more pleasant conversation.


Alice played very well; she seemed to be completely at ease despite having so many people in the room. Every once in a while she would steal a shy glance at me, seeking my approval. I always nodded and returned her smile.


After playing several of her favorites, Alice insisted upon Isabella playing. I heard a faint groan in the direction of The Harpy in which I turned and gave her a disapproving look.


Manners and good breeding indeed, I thought with disdain.


Oblivious to the rude interruption, Isabella was seated at the piano and began to play. I sat up and allowed the music to wash over me; I had begun to find a comfortable place when she began to sing. I had not thought this particular piece would involve singing, but I found myself once again entranced by her voice. The melody was an old Welch song, she was singing about a lost lover trying to find their way home. I broke my gaze from Isabella to look at Alice who was beaming with joy beside her. Her fingers at the ready to turn the pages.


Too soon the song ended, and Isabella ceded the piano back over to Alice. After picking a piece, Isabella began walking toward her Aunt. I looked at her longingly, though I knew it would probably make her uncomfortable.


"Miss Izabel." The Harpy sneered, and I was broken from my reverie.


"Are the militia still quartered at Meryton?" Her tone was condescending.


I was instantly leery at where she was going with this question.


"No, Miss McCarty, they are encamped at Brighton for the summer," she replied politely.


With a smirk, "That must be a great loss for your family."


Isabella faltered for only a moment, "I don't understand what you mean."


"I understood certain ladies, yourself included found the society of Mr. Wickham, curiously agreeable," she finished with a cruel smirk.


The moment Mr. Wickham's name was mentioned I broke my gaze to see a horrified expression on Alice's face.


Damn that insufferable woman!! She had gone too far this time.


I rose to go to the aide of my sister, but was stopped by the cold voice of Isabella.


"I assure you, Madam, we are quite happy that the regiment was removed from Meryton. And those who pretended to be what they were not, removed with them," she stared at The Harpy with a look of cold disdain before walking back to the piano.


"I am so sorry Miss Masen, how are you to play with no one to turn the pages. Please, continue your beautiful song," she coaxed Alice out of her daze with warmth and sincerity.


A moment passed and she began to play once more.


Never had I thought Isabella more beautiful; never had I been so aware of the depth of my love for her than tonight. She had graciously handled the barbs flung at her, which were meant to injure her in my eyes.


Instead the insufferable woman had thrown Alice into a horrible state of agitation.


The thought of Isabella leaving after tomorrow was unbearable. Now that I had seen her again, had her in my home, I could not imagine being separated from her. I would be walking straight back into the living hell I had endured these past months.


Did I dare try again? Did I dare to ask her to marry me? Could I risk my heart once more, despite the fact that I had only been in her company a few days? Did I have the courage to take this last chance and try to make her mine?


My eyes moved in search of Isabella and I found myself unexpectedly meeting her questing gaze, that very intensity and directness that seemed so reminiscent of the way she looked at Rosings. Though, it was devoid of any hatred and contempt which had pierced my heart so painfully.


The hope it created took my breath away entirely.


Immediately self-conscious, she turned her eyes from mine, her skin flaming deeper in a mixture of embarrassment, recognition and apprehension. Little did she know her very presence had the power to completely overwhelm me.


Too soon the evening was over and I found myself again walking her to her carriage. Alice was on my left arm and Isabella on my right. Mr. Cullen helped his wife into the carriage, and I wished I could do something to prolong the moment.


"Miss Isabella, is tomorrow morning still convenient for our tour of the grounds?" Alice had moved toward Isabella.


"Of course, Miss Masen; I will be ready when you call. I confess though I do not have riding clothes."


"I am sure whatever you have will be fine. Edward chose the horse you are to ride himself, you will be in good hands."


Isabella turned to look at me, "Really?" she asked in disbelief.


"Of course, I was not aware of how skilled you were so I chose a less spirited mare."


"Thank you, Mr. Masen." she replied sincerely.


I assisted her into the carriage and again watched her drive away from my home.


Alice took my arm and we walked back into the house.


"Edward," she reached up kissing my cheek, "Thank you, she really is wonderful."


I smiled, "She is, isn't she?"


Alice giggled, "I am tired and will go to bed now. "Til tomorrow dear brother, sweet dreams."


I watched her turn and make her way up the stairs. I was riding such an impossible wave of happiness as I walked back into the drawing room.


"Oh, Mr. Masen, we were just wondering where you had gone," The Harpy simpered.


"I accompanied Miss Isabella and her family to their carriage," I replied brusquely.


She ignored my tone and turned to Mrs. Crowley.


"How very ill Isabella Swan looked this evening; I have never before in my life seen anyone so altered as she was."


She paused looking up at me before continuing, "I was just telling Lauren I would not have recognized her again. She has grown so coarse and brown."


She turned back to Lauren and they both giggled. "What do you say Mr. Masen?"


I grated my teeth together in an attempt to still the biting retort I wanted to give her. Was she really so devoid of proper feeling and decorum that she did not see how offensive her words were?


"I saw no great difference, I suppose a little tan but that is not surprising when one travels in the summer," I replied indifferently.


"I for one never saw any beauty in her face. Her features are not at all handsome, her complexion has no brilliancy."


She paused a moment before smirking to herself. "Her teeth are tolerable I suppose, but nothing out of the common way," She laughed a bit to herself.


"And as for her eyes, which I have sometimes heard called fine, I could never perceive anything extraordinary in them."


Pacing to the front of the room she continued, "And in her air altogether there is a self sufficiency without fashion I find intolerable."


"Tanya…" Emmett warned, but she would not be persuaded.


"How amazed we all were to hear she was a reputed beauty, though I seem to recall you at one time could not perceive any beauty in her face. However, I believe she has improved on you since. It is kind of you to be so considerate to those who are obviously so far beneath you."


I stood and walked to the fire place, my hand balled up in a tight fist, the other holding my drink.


"Madam, you are mistaken, that was only when I first knew her; it has been many months now that I have regarded her as one of the handsomest women of my acquaintance."


I made no effort to hide my contempt, she deserved far worse after the behavior she had shown here today.


"You speak of manners and fine breeding as essentials to an accomplished woman, yet I have seen more lowly behavior exhibited from you this evening than from any member of the Swan family. This is my home, and you are merely a guest, which you will only remain so until the end of the week. I will not have you spewing your poison to Alice."


I turned to face Emmett who was also looking at The Harpy, "Emmett, I am sorry but I can tolerate her no longer."


He agreed, "I understand Edward, I am terribly sorry. She will be gone tomorrow."


I nodded and stalked out of the room, but not before I heard a high pitch wail. "Emmett, you can't make me, I refuse…"


I walked faster, desperate to be as far away from her as possible.


I basked in the silence of my chambers. Alone with my thoughts, I conjured images of Isabella which so often filled my thoughts. I would test the waters tomorrow and see where we stood. I couldn't bear to think of letting her go without some sort of beginning.


~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~


Alice had gone in the carriage to fetch Isabella; I walked to the stables to oversee the preparations for the morning. Blackjack was saddled and ready, along with Alice's white mare, Lady Grey. The mare I had chosen for Isabella was from the same sire as Blackjack. Pandora had been named by Alice, simply because she was unexpected, which meant that everything else she did would be as well. Interestingly enough, Pandora was one of our most gentle horses and though she could jump as well as any, she had a tame spirit about her.


I heard the carriage before I saw it approach. My excitement was palatable as well as my nervousness. I prayed for everything to go well today, as this would be my last opportunity.


The carriage came to a stop and the stable hand assisted the woman down. I came 'round with three horses in tow.


Both women smiled, "Good morning, Mr. Masen." Isabella greeted quietly.


"Good morning, Miss Isabella, are you ready?"


"I am sir, thank you," she replied quietly


"May I assist you into the saddle?" she nodded and walked toward me.


Lifting her carefully by the waist, I hoisted her toward the saddle, her hand grasped the reins while the other hung onto the saddle. Gracefully, she slid gently into the saddle.


I backed away, my hands aflame with the memory of holding her supple body. She adjusted herself into the saddle arranging her skirts. I understood why women rode side saddle, but never could understand how it was possible to remain on one.


After helping Alice, I mounted Blackjack.


We rode slowly at first letting Isabella get used to the unfamiliar terrain, apparently she had learned on the family horse which was an aging mare named Lady. Pandora was, to her, a high-spirited horse. Isabella seemed to bond with Pandora rather quickly, and I was able to enjoy more of the ride without worrying about her well-being.


I was thrilled with Isabella's response to Pemberley; she was genuine in her interest, and loved the woods and groves we rode through. As we were neared the edge of the immediate property, Alice stopped suddenly.


"Edward, I feel a sudden headache... I think... it would be best if I returned to the house."


I was disappointed, but Alice was more important. "We can return to the house, Alice."


"Nonsense, you finish the tour with Miss Isabella, I am perfectly able to find my way back to the house," she was adamant.


"Miss Masen, really, please do not trouble on my account, I can see your brother is very worried."


She sighed heavily, but was undeterred. "Edward, you may see me back as far as the tree line, and then you will finish showing her the grounds. I believe there is a special meadow you wished to show her," she had a mischievous gleam in her eye as she looked at me.


Was she trying to give me privacy? I narrowed my eyes at her, but couldn't be angry. She had given me exactly what I wanted.


"Very well Alice," I turned to Isabella, "Would you like me to help you down from Pandora? You can walk around or rest for a bit."


"I will manage fine, thank you," her tone seemed anxious.


Alice and I rode toward the house, when we reached the lawn she stopped.


"Edward, I know you are still unsure and I think my advice may have been wrong. I don't think you will be risking as much as you think if you try to declare your feelings." With that she rode toward the stables. My sister never ceased to astonish me.


Shaking my head from its stupor, I quickly galloped back to where Isabella was waiting.


When I entered the clearing where I had left her, I was unsurprised to find that she had moved toward the river, allowing Pandora to drink. How she had managed to dismount without help, was not something I wanted to think about.


I came up behind her and dismounted Blackjack, slowly as to not startle her I walked up and quietly cleared my throat.


Isabella spun around and began falling backward into the creek, I reached out and grabbed her pulling her to me. She made no move to escape my grasp, we stood there for a moment the only sound in the clearing was that of our labored breathing.


With trembling fingers, I slowly brought my hand to rest against the side of her face and gently I swept the hair from her eyes, before moving my fingertips toward the nape of her neck.


Softly, I began caressing her delicate skin, ever so slowly Isabella responded to my fingers.


Tentatively, she tilted her head up to meet my eyes.


I knew that now was not the time for this discussion. "Are you well?" I asked sincerely.


Her eye's lowered, shyly. "I am, Sir. You startled me is all."


I slowly released her, careful to place her away from the water.


"Shall we continue then?"


She had seemed pleased with Pemberley thus far. "Yes please, I could never have imagined such a place. The tree's and groves are magnificent."


I was overjoyed by her enthusiastic response, "So you approve of it?"


"Approve?" she questioned. "I think you would be hard pressed to find anyone who would not approve," she looked down.


"Ah, but your approval is the only one that matters." It was a bold statement but the truth none the less.


Hesitantly, she returned my gaze, "Thank you."


I assisted her back onto her horse, and we set off in the direction of the meadow.


The ride was quiet. Her silence worried me that she felt I had been to forward.


Frustrated with my seemingly nonexistent control where Isabella was concerned, I kept quiet as to not make anything worse.


We neared the meadow where a thick row of tree's stood as sentinels protecting the natural treasure that lay beyond.


I dismounted and aided Isabella down, she seemed willing to accept my help. This was a good sign; if I had offended her, I doubt she would allow me to touch her again.


She walked ahead and broke through the tree line first.


"Oh, Mr. Masen. It's beautiful," she said reverently.


I stepped forward and shook my head in disbelief as I saw the lavender was in full bloom, the sight and smell was intoxicating.


"Thank you, this is my sanctuary. You are the only person I have brought here besides Alice."


She spun around.


"Really? Why?" Curiosity lined her features.


"I have never had anyone I cared for to share it with."


The more I revealed, the more I left myself vulnerable to her.


She looked down for a moment, and then raised her head.


"I was very unfair to you, Sir. You did not deserve my censure, or my judgments. I was foolish and blind," she brought her hands together, threading them nervously.


"You have been kinder to me than I deserve, I expected nothing, yet here you are showing me something special and very personal."


I was too afraid to speak for fear of ruining this moment.


"I allowed my wounded pride to blind me to who you really were, and I will regret it for the rest of my life."


Finally.


"Oh, Isabella," I stepped towards her gathering her to me.


Gently, I threaded my fingers in her hair, cupping the back of her head, my other hand rested on the small of her back.


I stared into her eyes, silently asking permission. She granted it by moving closer, our bodies now flush. I brought my lips to her cheek with such painful restraint, still afraid this was all a dream.


With delicate reverence, my warm breath danced across her skin, as I placed a kiss on the corner of her mouth with tempting lightness.


Instinctively, her eyes fluttered completely shut as she turned her mouth towards mine. I hesitated only a moment and then cautiously I brought my lips to hers. I moved with such slow, sensual intensity against her mouth I felt my heart might stop. It had never been like this before.


Before it had been me taking, this time we were both giving.


Our bodies melded together, and my head began to spin when the realization of what was happening dawned on me.


I moved my hands up to frame her face, steadily, I repeated each kiss with more fervor and boldness than the last.


Completely overwhelmed by her response, I continued, drinking in her scent until I was utterly intoxicated.


Gradually, I pulled my lips from hers and watched as her eyes opened, they held an intense need and desire.


I was at a loss for words, it was all so overwhelming.


Gently, stroking her cheeks with my thumbs I thought of the last time I held her this way, "Although this was not our first kiss, I believe this is the first time it was desired on your part."


She looked away, embarrassed, "I was very rude to you, sir."


"Please look at me, Isabella," I implored.


She met my gaze once more, "Please do not hide yourself from me. There is no need, and I would like it very much if you would call me Edward."


"Edward," she whispered.


At the sound of my name falling from her lips a fire inside me ignited, consuming me.


I stared at her in unconcealed adoration, leaning in once more to claim her lips.


Abruptly I pulled away, not wanting to go another moment knowing she was not mine.


She pulled her hands from my arms and moved her fingertips to my face, gently moving them across my cheek.


"Isabella, I know I have wounded you deeply with my arrogance and pride. Based on the past, I have learned to never assume anything with you."


I paused before plunging into the abyss, one I knew I would not return from if she rejected me again.


"You are too generous to trifle with me, if your feelings are what they were last April, please tell me. My affection and wishes have not changed. But one word from you will silence me forever."


She continued to look at me, her face a mask of concentration, as if she was looking for something.


The silence was excruciating.


Unable to stand it, "If, however, your feelings have changed…I need to tell you…You have captured my heart completely, despite your choice it will always belong to you."


She still said nothing, and my heart begged her to heal me.


"I love you, Isabella Swan. I never wish to be parted from you from this day on."


I said everything I could and now had to wait, the silence was agonizing.


Hope was a cruel mistress, bringing joy or sorrow.


Tears brimmed in her eyes, she blinked several times sending them spilling down her cheeks. After another unbearable minute she finally spoke.


"Yes, Edward, my feelings have changed considerably."


I laughed both from excitement and relief. I picked her up spinning us around, "You will marry me, then?"


She laughed, "Yes, I will marry you."


Impulsively, I reached out to her bringing her lips to mine. This kiss, unlike the first, was full of promise.


"I could not bear my life without you, Edward; it would be empty," she whispered against my lips.


Her declaration caused something within me to fracture and the dam of emotions broke free. I pulled her to me passionately, sweeping her from the ground in the process. Her breasts were pressed firmly against mine, our hearts beating as one as we lost each other in our embrace.