Duty and Desire chapter 11: Tittletattle

I do not own Twilight or Pride and Prejudice.




Dark, ominous clouds hung low against the sky, the rain falling softly onto the windows of the carriage. Emmett and I sat on opposite sides of the coach in absolute silence; the storm, it seemed, reflected our respective moods.

I stared out the window, watching the flashes of lightning along the horizon. The thunder rumbled not long after. It was fitting that I would arrive in Hertfordshire during a storm and leave during one as well. My emotions were reflected in each rumble of thunder, and frankly, that frightened me. I knew I had made the right choice; however, that did not make leaving any easier. I had already forgiven Isabella the disdain she had showed me while we danced, knowing it had been formed on half-truths. Instead I focused all my anger on James Wickham. I knew that if our paths were to ever cross again I would not hold back.

I looked to the woods in vain, hoping to see Isabella walking, just as I had upon my arrival. The masochist in me begged for one last glimpse, to see her happy once more. The image was forever seared in my memory of the broken, embarrassed woman crying in the moonlight.

The ball had been a success in the eyes of all the participants, but to Emmett and myself, it had been nothing but an utter disappointment. My thoughts drifted back to yesterday’s conversation at breakfast.

~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~

The previous morning

The house awoke later than usual due to the late hour in which we retired. Emmett came down in a less than pleasant mood. I expected, after last night, that he would be thrilled with the outcome of the party. However, he was upset with the lack of change in Miss Swan’s feelings. It seems he repeatedly tried to gauge her feelings only to be met with the same happily demure Miss Swan. It was frustrating and disheartening for Emmett, to say the least. It was after he had admitted he was unsure if she felt the same love he felt for her that the Harpy made a rather noisy entrance.

“Good morning, Edward, Brother dear,” she trilled.

Lord, it was too damn early for this.

“You will never guess what I heard last night.”

I rolled my eyes. No doubt whatever it was would be life altering.

Emmett remained silent, he didn’t seem to have the will to argue or listen. He simply sat there, concentrating on finishing the food in front of him.

He had been paying attention. Eating was one of the best ways I’d found to ignore unwanted conversation.

Taking our silence as an invitation to continue speaking, she launched into the gossip from the ball.

“I talked with many ladies who were very impressed with the decorations. They said it was the biggest event Hertfordshire had seen in years. I am not surprised of course, having not been exposed to the higher society in London, this would seem overwhelming to most.”

She had yet to draw a breath, perhaps she would do us a favor and pass out.

“Oh! And I spoke to Mrs. Stanley; she informed me that Miss Rosalie had been previously engaged.”

Emmett’s head snapped up so fast he began to choke. After coughing the food out of his throat he found the ability to speak.

“What do you mean she was engaged, Tanya?” His words came out in a shocked tone.

The smile on her face gave me the chills; it reminded me of a snake just before it struck.

“Well, she was engaged to a Mr. Royce King. I was told it was nearly four years ago. They were set to be married and Mr. King broke the engagement - about a month before the wedding was to take place. “

The breaking of an engagement was unusual. I wonder what the circumstances were.

“Mr. King was from a wealthy family, and this was an embarrassing situation not only for the Kings, but the Swans as well. No one really knows the reason why the engagement was broken. But the feeling and what Mrs. Stanley told me, was that Mr. King broke it off because he felt Rosalie was only marrying him for his money to please her family. But the poor thing must have felt something for him; she has not had any potential suitors since, and is not as outgoing in company as she once was.”

She finished with a look of utter satisfaction at having delivered horrible news.

I was mulling over this new information. Could it be that Miss Rosalie still pined for this man and this is why she was not able to give her heart to Emmett? It was plausible, and if true, would lead to nothing but heartache for them both. Not to mention the news about her only marrying him to please her family. I suddenly felt sick as I recalled Mrs. Swan’s words from the previous evening.

Emmett finally spoke. “Tanya, are you sure? She has never once mentioned this to me.”

It was all coming together; why would she speak of such a painful topic as love lost?

“Yes, Emmett, I am quite sure. Mrs. Stanley was very willing to give me all the particulars.”

I bet she was. Gossiping cows, the lot of them.

What could I do for Emmett? He needed my support and the Harpy would do nothing to soothe the heartbreak he felt. She more than likely would scoff at his misfortune, and then take every opportunity to remind him of his failed attempt.

I knew what I needed to do.

“Emmett, I am leaving tomorrow for London. You told me you had business. Why don’t you travel with me; get out of Hertfordshire for a few weeks? You would do well to clear you head.”

“Edward,“ he asked, his voice small and pitiful, “do you think she still loves this Mr. King? And that is the reason she shows no feelings for me?” The look of utter devastation on his face saddened me. Emmett had always been strong and happy; seeing him so helpless was frightening.

“I don’t know, Emmett, but I think some time away would do you good. When you come back in two weeks time, you will know the answer to your question.”

After a long pause, he sighed before answering. “I believe you are right, some time away will do me good.”

He turned to Tanya.

“Will you be all right here with Lauren and Mr. Crowley? I should not be longer than a few weeks.”

“I will be fine, Emmett, you go to London. It has many different distractions. You should be your old self in no time.” The way she said distraction immediately made me concerned; what could she mean by that?

“Yes, I know. Thank you for being so understanding. I shall be home before the Yule festivals.”

“Edward, I will go make ready for our early departure.”

We were both finished with breakfast, and having no desire to spend a moment longer with the Harpy, I rose and went to prepare.

~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~

The wheels of the carriage fell into a hole, causing me to be jolted out of my thoughts. We were nearly there; the familiar roads told me we only had an hour or so. I looked over at Emmett, who was still silently gazing out the window.

“Emmett?” I called, breaking the silence. “We are nearly there.”

He turned his head and looked at me, his eyes sad. He nodded before turning his head back to its previous position.

I sighed out loud. We were a sad pair really, both of us pining for a woman. Emmett longed for a woman who didn’t want him, while I pined for one I couldn’t have. It would be comical really, if it was happening to anyone else.

“Emmett, I don’t understand why you are so upset… you have never been this upset about a woman before, and you have fallen in and out of love often.”

Emmett turned back to me “Edward, have you ever been in love?”

The directness of his question startled me. I didn’t know how to answer him, nor did I think I wanted to.

“I didn’t think so.” He took my silence as confirmation. Not wanting to explain myself, I allowed him to believe what he wished.

“I know that I find myself easily attracted to members of the opposite sex, but there was something entirely different with Miss Rosalie. It’s not just her attractive features, which are beautiful. But she is an angel, not just in looks but in her manner as well. She is kind to a fault, no matter what unfair slights Tanya throws at her or her family she simply tolerates it.”

I opened my mouth to comment, but was cut off as he continued.

“I have never felt so alive as I did with her. I felt like I could take on any challenge. Despite any objections, or gossip, I would marry her if she loved me. And that is what hurts the most.” He looked down.

“What hurts the most?”

“Knowing she doesn’t love me the way I love her. That she loved another, and apparently loves him still.” He said the last word bitterly. “Even though he proved himself utterly undeserving of her love by deserting her like a coward.”

His words stunned me; was that what I was doing with Isabella? Being a coward?

No, our situations were so different; my duty compared with his made my choice more complex.

“Perhaps in time you will meet another who makes you feel this way, and she will feel the same as well.”

“So you think it is hopeless then?”

I knew my words would have a huge impact on his decision, but I could not bring myself to make this decision for him.

“Nothing is hopeless, Emmett, but you need to ask yourself if it is worth the pain to court Miss Swan when she has not returned any of your affection. I have observed her behavior and her sweet temperament is shared with everyone; I truly did not see anything different in her when she was with you. However, I was not always in your company; she could have been more expressive at times when there were not so many people.”

“No, “he sighed, “She was as engaging with me as she was with any other person. I guess I wanted to delude myself into hoping she felt more.”

“I’m sorry, Emmett. I suppose I will have to work extra hard at cheering you while you are in town. What say you to some fencing tomorrow?”

He cracked a smile. “Yes, you would suggest that, as you are so much better than I. However, I won’t let that stand in my way. I accept.”

“Excellent; it has been too long, and I am need of some exercise.”

We were within the city now; the time had passed quickly during our conversation. I dropped Emmett at his residence with a promise to meet tomorrow. The driver hurried to Grover’s Square. I could not wait to see Alice; I had missed her more than I realized. The carriage came to a stop and I looked out the window, breathing a sigh of relief.

I was home.

I exited the carriage and hurried up the steps. I was unsure if Alice would be waiting for me, but wanted to see her as soon as possible regardless. The housekeeper was at the door waiting for me, and with a smile she nodded in the direction of the music room. I could hear the familiar notes as they rested on my ears like a soothing blanket. I walked swiftly toward the sound and entered the music room. Alice was perched on the bench, her face in utter concentration as she played the notes. I stood and listened for a moment before approaching her from behind. I gently rested my hand on her shoulder and the sudden contact caused her to cease playing as she whipped around to see who had intruded on her playing.

“Edward!” she said excitedly. She stood and jumped into my arms and I enveloped her in a hug. The loving contact did much to calm my state of mind. Alice was all I had.

She released me and looked up into my face, quietly studying me for a moment before speaking.

“So, dear brother, you must sit and have tea with me, and tell me why you have come home so troubled.”

I laughed, “You cut right to the chase don’t you, my dear.”

“Well if you must know, it was because I missed you so. And I would say my mood has lifted considerably.”

She eyed me speculatively; I knew she didn’t believe me, so I decided to sidetrack her.

“Mr. McCarty traveled to London with me. He was recently disappointed and I fear his mood rubbed off on me as well. I apologize for alarming you.”

She smiled before shaking her head. “Edward, I know you are my older brother, but it’s my job to make sure you are happy as well. What kind of sister would I be if I did not return all the kindness you show me?”

I leaned over and kissed the top of her head. “You owe me nothing, Alice. It’s my duty to care for you, but more importantly, you mean everything to me. We only have each other; filling the role of brother and parent is a daunting task. Especially when the sister is such a handful,” I teased her, causing her to laugh.

I was thrilled to see her laugh again. It had been far too long. The musical sound reverberated off the walls and my horrible mood was forgotten.

“You really are an overbearing brute, but I suppose you will have to do.”

She jumped up and sat back at her piano.

“I have been practicing, would you like for me to play for you now?”

“Do you expect Jasper today? I really should clean off from the journey I am need of a bath and some rest.”

“Of course, I am sorry Edward, I expect Jasper this evening; I can play for you both then.” She smiled and I gave her another hug before excusing myself.

“It’s good to be home, Alice,” I said as I walked out the door.

~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~

Later that evening, Jasper arrived and we ate dinner while he informed me of the pertinent news I had missed while away. It seemed the war was not improving, and to add to the problem, France had decided to invade Canada as well. Despite this news, Jasper remained optimistic that the war would end soon. I wondered if his optimism was genuine or an attempt to appear strong for Alice.

After dinner we retired to the music room, where Alice played several new pieces. She had come a long way in the last couple of months. At first, she could not bear to touch her piano, but day by day she gradually worked up the courage to play again. I had always wondered if it was that she could not bear to be the center of attention; she really only played for me or Jasper.

After she finished playing, we bid her good night and Jasper followed me into my study. I sat down and heaved a sigh of relief at being home again.

“So Edward, you have some explaining to do. Not only did you ignore my wish that you contact me after your meeting with Wickham’s commanding officer, but you seem strangely relieved. Care to explain anything to me?” Jasper always seemed to know what people were feeling; normally I didn’t mind, but in this instance I had no wish for him to know what I was truly thinking about.

“I apologize, Jasper. I suppose I had better give you an explanation, seeing as I ended up ignoring your advice on two counts.” He raised his eyebrow, urging me to continue. “I confronted James.”

His eyes widened, but he said nothing.

“After my meeting with Colonel Black I realized nothing would be done, and I was not thinking rationally.”

I was not going to explain that Isabella was my motivating factor.

“He was drunk and being kicked out of a tavern for not paying. I followed him and told him to stay away from the women and to behave himself. I also used his sword and left a cut on his neck,” I finished, hoping that would be enough to satisfy him.

“Edward, I think you had better start from the beginning and explain to me exactly what caused you to lose your temper and lash out at James like that.”

I proceeded to tell him the events of that night. Jasper nodded in understanding; it was classic behavior for Wickham. His face tense when I told him I had followed him into the alley and threatened him, the taunting words he had used in regard to Alice.

“Edward, I am not surprised that James would use such a threat; you were right to warn him. I would use every means within my power to hunt him down if he tried to disparage Alice’s reputation. I have a feeling he knows this and that is why he has remained silent all this time. Yet this does not explain what would cause you to seek him out. I feel like something is missing here.”

Damn Jasper and his invariable ability to analyze every angle of a situation. I needed to distract him.

“I was looking out for Emmett’s best interests, as he plans on settling there. I could not allow James to roam unchecked, and I was disappointed with the lack of enthusiasm I received from Col. Black.”

The look in his eyes told me he knew I was not giving him the whole story, but he took pity on me and accepted my explanation. We continued to talk until well after midnight. It seemed Alice had made many improvements since I went away. She was more willing to venture out into company and converse with others. I was pleased with these new developments; she would blossom into an amazing woman. After our talk, Jasper bid me good night and left to return home.

I walked slowly up the stairs, the exhaustion from traveling combined with the late hour finally taking its toll on my body. I reached my chambers and in my exhaustion was tempted to just fall asleep with clothing and all. Due to the lateness of the hour my valet had long since gone to bed and the idea of waking in a sweaty heap of clothing was less than appealing. I quickly peeled the garments from my body and when I was finally free I collapsed into bed, sleep overtaking me quickly.

“Edward…Edward…”

I opened my eyes to a bright light. Looking around I found I was lying in my meadow at Pemberley, the soft grass at my back. I sat up to see where the voice was coming from when I heard musical laughter behind me. I turned to look behind me, but again there was nothing.

“Edward…” The voice was clearer and familiar.

I turned back, and looking straight ahead, I saw Isabella walking toward me. She looked like a wood nymph, with flowers crowning her hair. Her beautiful brown locks cascaded around her shoulders and onto her back and chest. She was wearing a simple white gown.

“Exquisite,” I murmured.

She laughed again and stepped closer, within my reach.

I stood and stepped forward enveloping her in my arms.

“Say you will be mine, Isabella. I need you more than you will ever know.”

“Yes, Edward. I am yours.” She smiled as she looked into my face.

I bent my head down to kiss her lips.

I jolted awake by a loud knock at my door.

Knock…knock…knock…

I groaned; it was yet another dream. Was I never going to have any peace?

“Edward, are you awake? Mr. McCarty is here. You were scheduled to go into town to master Angelo’s.”

She paused, waiting for my answer.

“Yes, Alice, I am awake now. Please tell Emmett I will be down directly.”

Exercise was exactly what I needed; no doubt a few bouts with the foil would be enough to clear this from my head. I needed to forget her; dwelling on the what-ifs would not help. I dressed and joined Emmett down stairs.

“I hope you are well rested, Emmett; I don’t plan on going easy on you.”

Emmett laughed. “Well, I do suppose I owe you a favor or two for all your help. I will take whatever you throw at me.”

I smiled. “Yes, well as gentlemen, we will have to keep it fair.”

~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~

It had been a couple of days since I had fenced with Emmett, and the exercise was exactly what I had needed. We had made a tentative appointment again for today. I was starting to feel restless again, as the dreams were still occurring nightly. I had hoped being home in my own bed and surrounded with familiar sights untainted by Isabella’s presence would lessen the occurrence of the dreams. Yet she was everywhere. It was becoming torture to hold her and kiss her soft lips, only to awaken and find it all a dream. I stayed busy, for it was the only way to distract myself from the feelings that crept in when I was alone and thoughts of my time in Hertfordshire crept back into my mind. I was in my study at present, completing some necessary letters to my steward at Pemberley when I heard a knock on the door. Looking up, I saw Alice enter.

“Edward, Emmett just arrived; he asked to speak with you.” She seemed uncomfortable and I was immediately on my guard.

“Thank you, Alice, I will speak with him directly. Please make yourself comfortable in the Library; I will come find you when I am done.”

I bent down to kiss her head before walking out to find Emmett.

As I approached the foyer, I heard raised voices. What was going on?

“You should have waited at home. You have no business just showing up here, Tanya. And you have no right to push your way through the door.”

What? “Oh, No,” I groaned.

I was in no mood to deal with the Banshee; she had no right to impose herself on my house without an invitation.

I rounded the corner and stood before them; I was furious.

“Emmett, you may accompany me to my study.”

I turned my gaze toward the Harpy. “Please leave, as your brother instructed, and if you ever accost one of my servants again, you will no longer be welcome in my home.” She paled visibly.

I turned and motioned for Emmett to follow me, effectively dismissing her from my home.

Before we reached the hall I heard her awful screech.

“Wait!”

We turned and she had a simpering smile on her face.

“I just thought you would like hear the news from Hertfordshire. Mr. Newton has proposed to Miss Isabella.”