Duty and Desire chapter 15: Captivated

I do not own Twilight or Pride and Prejudice.




I awoke in a daze. I could not remember sleeping so well in a long time. It seemed that as soon as my head hit the pillow, I drifted into a content dreamless slumber. I sat up in bed, the sheets draped across my lap. While rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I pulled the cord to signal my valet that I was ready to begin my day. I looked at the clock and was shocked to find I had slept in a full hour past my norm. Arising quickly, the chill of the air hit my body harder than I had expected. It seemed the fire had burned to a low ember. I reached for my robe, knowing my valet would enter shortly.

I dressed quickly not wanting to waste anymore time. I needed to see Isabella. I had every intention of courting her, though I needed to be careful. It would not do to raise unwanted suspicion on the part of the Old Bat. She would do nothing but make Isabella’s life hell, not to mention mine.

No, this would have to be done carefully.

I reached the breakfast room; Jasper was seated at the far end. It looked like he was finishing his coffee.

“Edward,” he said, smiling. “I was waiting for you; it is not like you to sleep so late, especially here.”

It was true; I was usually restless and slept poorly.

“I was exhausted and seemed to have gotten a very good night’s rest. And you?”

“I slept fine. I seem to be able to sleep wherever the occasion calls for. The life of a soldier, I suppose.”

We both snickered, life of a soldier indeed. He was a colonel, and with that came privilege. Not to mention he was the younger son of an earl.

“I plan on calling at the parsonage this morning, would you care to accompany me?”

The events of last night came to me and I was suddenly suspicious. What business would Jasper have at the parsonage?

“I suppose I could. But what would take you to the parsonage?”

Sensing my reluctance, Jasper sighed.

“I enjoyed the company a great deal last night. Miss Isabella was an engaging young woman, and I took great pleasure in our conversation. Mrs. Newton was kind as well.”

Pleasure?

Though my mind knew better than to think Jasper was interested in Isabella, I could not help but feel the jealousy and anger that bubbled to the surface. No one should take pleasure in anything with Isabella other than myself.

Though visiting with Jasper would give me the perfect excuse to see her...

“I would be happy to accompany you to the parsonage. You are right, it was very good company.”

Jasper smiled. “Excellent, let us go now then.”

The walk to the parsonage was filled with reminiscing about our adventures here as youths. As we had no interest in the boring activities of our parents, Jasper and I would take to exploring the grounds at Rosings. We had explored more of the Rosings woods and groves than uncle Aro ever had.

As we arrived at the parsonage I suddenly became nervous. What would I say to her? I had never courted a woman before. What if I made a fool of myself?

Lost in my fears, I failed to realize Jasper had rung the bell. Before I was ready we were escorted into the sitting room, where I immediately saw Isabella seated on the far side of the room, reading.

I took my seat with Jasper, and we talked with the parson and his wife. I found myself bored with the incessant fawning and ridiculous antics this man so frequently displayed. I was however, bound by my damned good manners to not tell the man he was an idiot, and to stop embarrassing himself.

Damned manners.

“Mr. Masen, you have no idea how much honor you bestow upon my humble dwelling by gracing us with your presence. I was just telling my dear Jessica that you were most gracious in Hertfordshire.”

Gracious indeed, this man was even more stupid than I’d realized.

“Indeed, I thank you for your hospitality.”

Jasper sat up and moved to the other end of the room, to speak with Isabella.

Damn him, would he do nothing but thwart me at every turn?

I strained to hear what they were saying, which was impossible due to the endless droning from Mr. Newton.

I stared in their direction, willing her to look at me.

Finally she obliged, but alas, only for a moment.

I continued to watch her unabashedly; I wanted her to see me, the real me.

Not the name, nor the money, or the estate.

Just me.

I was faintly able to make out what was being said while the parson – thankfully - drew breath.

“What do I do that offends him so?”

Jasper smiled.

“Edward is a complicated man; I highly doubt he is offended in any way.”

Offended? Why would she think such a thing?

I stood and walked toward her, uncaring that I just had left the foolish parson mid-sentence. I did not care; he should have sensed by now that I was not at all interested in what he was saying.

As I approached, I tried to think of what I might ask her. Instead of something thoughtful or witty, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“Your family is well, I trust?”

Fool! Did you not just ask her that yesterday? She is going to think you are a bumbling idiot!

Isabella looked slightly amused at my expense; there was a hint of mischief as she responded.

“Yes, Mr. Masen they are all in excellent health. I thank you.”

I bowed and moved toward the window, petrified that if I opened my mouth I would say something else equally stupid. Why did this have to be so complicated and difficult?

Jasper and Isabella continued to talk, while I stared out the window like an emotionally stunted twelve year old boy. It was embarrassing, but I had no idea what to say to her. Being in the company of Jasper and that idiot parson was not making matters any easier.

If I could only get her alone…

I spent the remainder of the visit formulating my plan. I would need to get Isabella alone. In order to court her properly and not raise suspicion, I would need to be cautious. No doubt Caius would jump at any opportunity to inform the Old Bat of my activities if he thought he had anything to gain from it.

Finally, we said our goodbyes and headed back in the direction of the house. Jasper recounted his conversation with Isabella. He seemed highly amused by my behavior in Hertfordshire. Though, what he did not know was the reason. He would be astonished indeed if he knew just how much I really cared for Isabella. She seemed to be under some mistaken presumption that I disliked her. She would know the truth soon enough, and I was positive she would be pleased.

After a long, tedious day including several ostentatious meals, I was able to slip away to my chambers. I would bide my time and visit Isabella when the parson was not about. Hopefully, luck would be on my side.

~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~

I was walking through the moss covered trees; the river flowed gently along side the path. The warm sun’s rays peeked through the canopy of leaves and branches. I could hear the spring larks as they sung. It was a magical place. Looking around, I knew where I was. This was my special place. Not even Jasper knew where this was; I used it as my own personal refuge here at Rosings.

The breeze gently caressed my face as I slowly untied my cravat. I could be myself here. Free of the pretense and position. I discarded the cravat and loosened the buttons of my shirt. Seated in a ray of sunshine, I basked in its glow.

Laughter rang out behind me. “May I join you, sir?”

I turned in the direction of the woman’s voice. A voice I knew by heart.

My beautiful wood nymph was smiling radiantly as she came and sat on the grass next to me.

She reached out and fingered a flower, teasing the stem, and then asked, “I always seem to find my way to you. Why is that?”

I smiled.

“I have been waiting for you my entire life, Isabella; fate will help you find your way.”

“Fate? You think this has to do with some otherworldly influence?”

“All that I know is you change everything. Everything I feel is exponentially greater when you are near.”Looking into her eyes I tried to convey how I felt.

“For example, when I look into your eyes, I tremble with anticipation.”

I reached for her hand.

“My body knows your touch; craves it like a staving man craves food.”

Her eyes had gone wide. I was unsure if I was going too far, but I could not help myself. I leaned in and captured her lips. They were still as soft and tasted as heavenly as I remembered.

“Your lips spark every desire my body possesses. You set me aflame, consuming everything.” I moved my lips down to her chin. “You are everything; I want to cherish you.” I moved lower toward the beautiful swell of her breasts. “Worship you.” I gently skimmed my lips along her breasts, eliciting a soft moan from her. “And make you mine.”

I moved my hand to the back of her neck; she tilted her head back, giving me access to do as I pleased. It felt primal; I suddenly had the need to claim her. She was mine and no one else would ever have her.

I kissed and caressed my way from her breasts to her neck.

“Edward…”

“mmm…”

“Wake up…”

I looked up in alarm, and she simply smiled, then disappeared.

~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~

I awoke laying face down in a cold lonely bed. I groaned into my pillow, cursing these wonderful dreams. They were both heavenly and a punishment. I moved to turn and felt a raw chill as the cold morning air hit my body. I quickly realized that my body had reacted rather forcefully to my dream. I lifted the sheet and hissed as the chill hit my very hard erection. I fell back into the pillow and groaned. This was getting out of hand.

Not wanting an audience, I slipped into my robe and hurried to my dressing room. A bath would soothe the aching beast that was threatening to break free. It would not do for my sanity, or ability to speak, if I called on Isabella with an immense erection in my trousers.

At breakfast, Lady Irena announced she would be busy discussing matters with her parson and other tenants in need of assistance. Jasper was occupied with answering letters from the Major general. Luck was defiantly on my side. This would be the perfect opportunity to visit Isabella. Though the parson’s wife would be there, I felt she would be discreet. I hurried toward the parsonage giddy with anticipation.

I rang the bell and steeled myself, I could do this.

The maid answered and led me into the sitting room to await the ladies.

As we entered, I found only Isabella seated by the fire, writing a letter.

Isabella in the flesh made me realize what a poor substitute my dreams had been.

She looked up at me with surprise.

“Mr. Masen, I did not expect you this morning.” I was mesmerized by her lips.” Mr. and Mrs. Newton are away this morning and you find me all alone this morning, sir.”

Alone? I said a silent thank you to whoever was responsible for this fortunate circumstance.

“I do not mean to disturb you; I understood the ladies to be within, and would not have interrupted your solitude had I known.”

Really, Masen? You could not be more transparent if you just came out and did an embarrassing jig.

“You are not disturbing me, I am writing a letter to my sister, Rosalie. You are welcome to sit, sir.”

I took my seat and looked around the room. I was here alone, with Isabella, and had no idea what to say to her.

I looked around the room, remembering it had been different when it belonged to the last parson.

Ah, a safe topic.

“This seems to be a very comfortable home for Mr. and Mrs. Newton. I understand Lady Irena did a great deal to the house when Mr. Newton moved in.”

“Yes, I believe she did. I do not think she could have bestowed her kindness on a more grateful subject.”There was a distant twinkle in her eye that I recognized now when she was being coy.

I loved it.

“It seemed very sudden, the way you all quit Netherfield last November. It must have been quite a shock to find that Miss McCarty had followed not one day after.”

Her subject change caught me off guard, and I was unable to respond.

“I trust you left them well in London?”

I shifted uncomfortably; this was a very dangerous line of questioning. I could see in the hard manner of her voice she was not happy. I needed to end this before she pried too deeply.

“Perfectly so, I thank you.” I replied in a clipped tone.

After a moment of silence, she continued.

“I have heard that Mr. McCarty has no intention of ever returning to Netherfield.”

This was no doubt a rumor; I knew for a fact Emmett intended on seeing the lease through.

“I have not heard this, though it is true he may spend little time there. His obligations keep him in town most of the year.” It was vague, but I had no intention on raising hopes that were not mine to rise.

“Well if he means to spend little time there it would be better for the neighborhood if he gave up the house completely.”

She was no doubt frustrated and her direct line of questioning left me uneasy.

“Wise counsel; I would not be surprised if he did if an eligible offer was made.”

Isabella leveled her gaze, as if she was trying to see what I was determined not to give away.

After more silence ensued, she could see I would not breach anymore on the subject.

Desperate to return the conversation to a more neutral topic, I brought up the parson once again.”

“How very fortunate Mr. Newton is in his choice of wife.”

And how very fortunate for me, that you had the will and wits to refuse him.

“Yes, I daresay he is. He had the great fortune to meet with one of the few sensible women in the country that would have accepted him.”

Her response stunned me; this woman not only spoke her mind, but did so eloquently. She was the perfect accomplished lady.

“And in a prudential light it is a good match for her as well.”

“Yes, to be settled in such an easy distance from her family.” I agreed.

“An easy distance you say? It is nearly fifty miles!” she exclaimed.

“Indeed, fifty miles of good road. Yes I would call that an easy distance. I suppose this is proof of your attachment to Hertfordshire; anything beyond Longbourn would be considered too far.”

I was provoking her, and I could tell her temper was rising.

“Circumstances, sir, weigh heavily on how near one is settled to one’s family. I do believe it is possible to be settled too near one’s family.”

I leaned closer to her.

“Exactly. You would not always want to live near Longbourn.”

Isabella’s lips parted, she was stunned.

Before she could reply, Mrs. Newton had returned.

After greeting her, I made my excuses and returned to Rosings.

~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~

I felt yesterday had gone well. I was determined to get more time with Isabella. Though, I was greatly disappointed when I found she was gone walking the next morning. I walked the groves in search of her, but after what seemed like hours, I felt she had already returned to the parsonage. I took the familiar trail to my favorite place, disappointed and agitated.

A twig snapped, and I looked up to see Isabella standing in the stream.

Was this another dream?

She had removed her stockings and shoes, and held her dress up to her knees. Her hair was unpinned and flowed gently down her back. I knew the gentlemanly thing to do would have been to look away, but no earthly force could have made me.

Isabella looked up to meet my gaze; the apparent surprise of meeting me alone out here was evident in her eyes. She exited the stream and to my disappointment she dropped her skirt. The memory of her legs would forever be etched in my mind.

“Mr. Masen, I did not expect to see you here, or anyone, for that matter.”

I am sure you did not.

“I was out walking. If you remember, Miss Isabella, I used to play in these woods as a boy and know them extremely well.”

“Well then I should inform you sir, this has become one of my favorite places for solitude and reflection.”

She had found my favorite place as well. This was, no doubt, fate.

“Then I shall let you use my place for the remainder of your visit; I am glad you find it as peaceful as I have in the past.”

She quirked her eyebrow.

“Your place?”

“Yes, not even Jasper has come here with me. I must say I am astounded that you were able to find it. I have always come here when I needed to get away.”

“Ah, I see.”

“I could show you more, if you like.”

She looked around, before returning her gaze to me. It was puzzled, as if she couldn’t believe I would want to spend my time with her.

I had had enough; it was time I showed her just how much I wanted her.

I reached for her hand. “Come, there is more to this grove I would love to share with you.”

As our hands connected I looked from her eyes to her lips; they were parted and I could hear her breathing quicken. Her cheeks flushed as I stepped closer to her. I looked down at her heaving chest, the rise and fall of her breasts was mesmerizing.

I led her toward the stream, just beyond was the grassy meadow from my dream. I had never shared it with anyone, and now I was taking Isabella there.

“I will carry you across; there is no need for you to get wet.”

She pulled her hand from mine sharply, and I mourned the loss.

“I am perfectly capable of walking, sir. Just lead the way and I will follow.”

This was not an opportunity I was willing to waste.

“And what kind of gentleman would that make me if I were to allow you to cross unassisted? My mother would never forgive me.”

She crossed her arms and steeled herself, no doubt to protest more. Instead, I scooped her into my arms and began making my way into the stream.

“Stop! What are you doing? This is improper, sir.” Though her protests were voiced, her body told me another story as she melted into my arms. As we neared the bank on the other side, I was reluctant to release her. I had her in my arms, and this was no dream.

It was so much better.

My hands were cupped around her arms and legs, my right hand dangerously close to her breast. Her protests had died, it seemed she was either enjoying the ride, or had accepted that I was going to do what I wanted anyway.

I released her and awaited another verbal assault, instead she turned and said.

“I trust this place is worth all the trouble you are putting yourself through?”

I nearly laughed.

“Yes, Miss Isabella, only one other ranks above it.”

Her expression became confused but she did not ask me to elaborate, and for that I was grateful. No good would come from discussing my estate.

Taking her hand once more, I led her toward the opening in the brush. Beyond was the grassy meadow from my dream. It was the same today as it had been every other time I visited, which was one of its appeals for me. Constancy, even when my mother died, and soon after, my father, I could come here knowing it would be the same as it had been when they were alive.

Only this time I was not alone.

Isabella gasped as she took in her surroundings. The lush green grass was wild and thick and spring daisies grew where they pleased.

“It’s beautiful,” she replied almost reverently. “I can’t imagine another ranking above it.”

Ah, so she had been listening.

“Yes, well, perhaps someday soon I will be able to show you. It is on my estate, at Pemberley.”

Her eyes became wide; it was a bold declaration, I had to admit.

“It seems I require a place for solitude wherever I go. Do you require the same, Isabella?”

The way her name rolled of my lips sounded better than any thought, dream, or situation I had ever conjured. I could not wait until I was able to say it to her whenever I pleased.

“I do, Mr. Masen. Solitude is a way to gather ones thoughts and sift through them. I, for one love the beauty of nature. It puts me at ease even when I am troubled.”

I paused before answering. With her simple words, she had unleashed a multitude of emotions.

Her beauty was such that it set her apart from anything in this meadow, and nothing could compare to her in my eyes. I wondered what could trouble her, and hoped my love could chase away those troubles. Did she know the depth of my feelings? Did she comprehend that I would do anything just to see her smile?

I was desperate to know if she loved me too.

I stepped forward slowly; reaching my hands to grip her arms, and drew her to me. Our eyes never left one another. The air around us was thick; it was as if fate was seeing through whatever plan it had for us.

I leaned my head toward her ear, whispering, “Let me calm your troubles, Isabella. If you were mine, you would want for nothing.”

I needed to taste her sweet lips again; it had been too long.

I slowly moved my lips across her soft cheek until I reached her mouth. Ever so slowly my lips enveloped hers.

We moved together and I smiled slightly when she responded to me. I moved my hands down her arms grazing her breasts with my thumbs.

It was faint, but I swear I heard her moan.

I felt bold, the heady feeling was akin to, too much wine. Yet my senses were anything but dulled. As my hand worked its way back up, I moved my lips from hers down to her chin.

She tilted her head back. Her breathing was ragged.

I kissed ever so slowly down her neck, until I reached where I so badly wanted to taste.

I withdrew my lips, much to my sadness.

I looked at Isabella’s face to gauge her reaction. Her lips were swollen from my ministrations. I looked for permission to continue, and her eyes told me she was enjoying this as well.

My gaze fell toward her bosom, and I was stunned. She had not worn her stays. Her nipples were hard and peeking out against the fabric.

I groaned. I was quickly losing control.

I had to rein myself in before I put Isabella in a situation she did not want.

I kissed the flesh just above her swollen breasts, which were heaving out of the neckline of her dress.

Making my way back to her lips, I kissed them with all the possession I felt for her.

“The beauty of this meadow is nothing. I have all the beauty I need before me.”

It was time, she knew my intentions. I would ask her properly soon. But she could be in no doubt of what I wanted.

Isabella said nothing as I gathered her up again and walked back to the other side of the stream. I gave her the space she required. It was a lot to take in. I had to admit the intensity of what I felt often overwhelmed me.

She had sat down on the log away from me and donned her stockings once more.

“Well, sir, I should really be heading back to the house. Jessica will be worried. Thank you for the use of your place. I would love to continue using it when I need to get away and be alone.”

Was she hinting that she wanted to meet me here? I believed she was.

“You’re very welcome. Allow me to escort you home.”

Very little was said and I was sad to find we reached the parsonage long before I was ready to relinquish her.

I returned to Rosings with what was no doubt the silly smile of a man in love.

I was greeted at the door by Caius.

“Out there up to no good are you?” he asked in a sinister voice.

Not in the mood to deal with him, I simply replied, “I believe I am a bit old to be ‘up to no good,’ as you put it.”

He let me pass, but not without a menacing glare that made me shiver.

Once I was alone in my chambers, I allowed my mind to think back to our meeting. I could not wipe the smile from my face.

It had definitely been one of the best days of my life.

At first, she had seemed a bit surprised to see that I had found her. I supposed she was only being modest. I felt our relationship was deepening; I was learning so many fascinating things about her that I had not seen in Hertfordshire. Perhaps she felt more stifled there and had not allowed herself to be truly open with me.

The more I knew, the deeper I fell.

Everything was progressing better than I could have hoped. I had a very good feeling it would not be long until I would ask her. I wondered how The Old bat would react to the news.

It was with these thoughts I drifted to sleep. Easter was tomorrow and I had a feeling it would be a very exciting day.