Duty and Desire chapter 16: Easter part I

I do not own Twilight or Pride and Prejudice.





Easter Sunday, 1813

Spring had brought the arrival of another Easter at Rosings. Life, it seemed had become so pitifully predictable. I thought back to the many Easters I had spent here at Rosings; the many lonely hours spent avoiding everyone at all costs; the sermons on the rebirth of faith, yet my faith had died with my parents. I was still religious, yet I could not bring myself to have faith in others. My faith in life had died with them.

Easter at Rosings was a boring affair. It consisted of a formal brunch, followed by a grand entrance at church, a dull sermon, ending with an overly lavish dinner that would make even a king nauseous.

Yet strangely, I felt eager this morning. The possibilities were endless.

I would see Isabella.

I wondered how she would respond to me. It was obvious we could not be as affectionate as we would like.

Would she be offended when I was unable to be open in front of my family? I felt a moment of unease.

It was too early, and I had not yet secured her hand. It would not do either of us any favors if I flaunted it in front of the Old Bat.

Isabella will understand I have no other options right now.

Dressing in my finest trousers, I made my way downstairs. The Old Bat required breeches and stockings, but I refused point blank to wear such an article. Not only were they uncomfortable, I never understood what kind of man would have started such a horrible fashion in the first place.

I spied Jasper first, dressed in his full military uniform. Between the two of us, we would manage to distract Lady Irena from noticing our lapse in ‘proper attire,’ as she would call it.

“Good morning, Jasper! I trust you slept well.”

“I did, thank you. And you?” He asked warily.

It seemed I sounded a bit too excited, as today was a day I usually abhorred.”

“I did as well; I suppose a good night’s rest helps ones disposition.”

“I suppose,” was all he offered.

“Are we to expect the same routine? Or do you think the Old Bat will shake things up this year?”

Jasper looked at me like I had gone completely insane.

“Edward, are you sure you are feeling well? I know you have had a tough go as of late, but your changes in mood are starting to concern me.”

“I am feeling perfectly fine. I feel like life is finally come together for me. I am reconciling so many things I have left for far too long.”

Jasper smiled, “I am happy for you then. Alice will be pleased.”

Smirking, I thought of my sister’s expression when I told her I was engaged. “Yes she will; I plan on writing her this morning before breakfast.”

I paused before asking, “Is there anything you wish me to convey to her?”

Sighing he nodded, “Just my sincere affection, but she already knows this.”

I grabbed his shoulder. “Everything will come together for you; just give it time, Jasper.”

“I know, I just can’t help but be afraid she will tire of waiting for me, and move on.”

“Jasper, Alice would never move on. She loves you, and that devotion will never waiver.”

He laughed, “Look at you. You are the last person on this earth I expected to give me advice on matters of the heart.”

I joined him in laughing. “Yes, well, I did tell you I was reconciling things.”

“Care to share what sparked this sudden need to change?”

I shook my head no; I could not yet discuss my intentions with Isabella. Not until she was mine.

Jasper shrugged. “It was worth a shot.”

I smiled. “I am off to write Alice. I will see you at brunch.”

~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~

Dearest Alice,

Life, it seems, has not been quite fair to us. Yet I am here feeling more hopeful for the future than I ever thought possible. I can hardly contain myself. Rosings has been interesting this visit. Lady Irena is ever the same, yet I find myself able to tolerate her more than usual. Cousin Kate has informed me that she has found love. I am happy she has found someone with whom she could spend her life with. I feel her health is better than was previously reported.

However, she will be unable to marry until I do so. Lady Irena will never give up on the notion that we are destined until I am married. I have done so much harm by dragging this out. It has caused Kate to delay her happiness. I have decided that I will marry soon. I have no doubt I will be happy, our parents set an example of love that I have yet to see equaled. If mine is half as happy as theirs, I will be very fortunate indeed.

I expect that Jasper and I will return in a week’s time. He sends his love.

Until then, my dearest sister, take care and know we will be with you soon.

Your loving brother,

Edward Masen

Although I could not give Alice all of the particulars surrounding the way I felt, I could not contain my excitement. I decided to post the letter express. I wanted her to share in my happiness as soon as possible.

The next letter I wrote would be to tell her I was engaged.

Isabella would be a wonderful influence on Alice. Though Alice was not as outgoing as she once had been, a good influence from another woman, like Isabella, could help her to regain that confidence.

Yes, Isabella was the missing piece in our lives.

I made my way toward the breakfast room, the excitement still palatable around me. Everyone was seated, awaiting my arrival.

“Good morning, Lady Irena, I apologize for my lateness. I was posting a letter to Alice.”

My apology and manner immediately softened her demeanor.

“I see, very well.”

The meal was quite, more so than others. I tried to calm myself, but the excitement of seeing Isabella in only a few short hours had me almost giddy.

“Edward, you will escort your cousin to church.”

I looked up and nodded to the Old Bat. I had expected this; I escorted Kate to Easter services every year. Yet, the consequences could be devastating. Isabella would not understand, as I had not yet informed her of the particular nature of my relationship with Kate.

I nodded, and returned my attention to my food. It was too late to send word to her. Anything received at the parsonage would raise suspicion.

I would simply need to hope for the best.

With brunch completed, the four of us made our way to the carriage, and we were off to church.

~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~

Disembarking from the carriage, I offered my arm to Kate and helped her down. There was a line of people waiting to welcome us to church. I was aghast with the ridiculous vanity that Lady Irena seemed to possess. When uncle Aro was alive she had shown some of these tendencies, but Uncle had always kept her in check. Now it seemed her vanity had run amok.

Mr. Newton was at the first of the line. He was falling all over himself with praise and other nonsense, about the kindness and superiority of his esteemed patroness.

I moved Kate through the gauntlet of people into the church. After seating her in the family pew, I allowed my eyes to wander for Isabella, but she was nowhere to be found.

The parishioners were filing into the church; I was beginning to worry that she was not coming.

“Edward, are you well?”

Kate had obviously noticed my less than stealthy actions.

“Perfectly so cousin, I was looking for Jasper.” It was partially the truth.

“Oh there he is, he just entered with Miss Isabella.”

My head spun back toward the entrance just in time to see Jasper escorting Bella toward a pew. They talked for a few moments before he took his seat next to her.

To say I was angry would be a falsehood; to say I was not jealous would be grossly understating the matter.

Jasper had the freedom to sit wherever he pleased, while it was my duty to escort my cousin.

I turned my attention toward Isabella.

She seemed content; I hoped she was at ease with Jasper. Although I knew my jealousy was unfounded and ridiculous, I could not but help feel it. I was grateful he was taking the time to befriend her. I made a mental note to ask him what he thought of her later.

Turning toward Kate, I asked. “Would you like to say hello to Miss Isabella?”

Looking at me and then back toward her mother, she shook her head.

“I don’t think that is wise, Edward. This is, after all, a very public setting. But please convey to her my fondest greetings. She is a witty young woman that I am afraid got on my mother’s bad side.” She leaned in and whispered, “I like her all the better for standing up for herself. I honestly think she is one of the bravest people I have ever met.”

“I understand, and don’t worry; I will pay your respects.”

I walked toward where Jasper and Bella were seated.

“Jasper, Miss Isabella.” I greeted both of them.

“Miss Isabella, my cousin Kate wanted me to convey to you her warmest greeting.”

Isabella’s face looked astonished.

“I thank you sir for condescending to deliver her message. Please tell her thank you, and I wish her well.”

Condescending? She must be trying to distract Jasper from reading too much into my continued interest in her. Clever girl.

I nodded, as it seemed that was all she would say at present. No doubt she would be more amiable if Jasper was not seated to her right.

I returned to my seat next to Kate, where I conveyed Isabella’s message. Kate smiled and turned toward the pulpit.

I continued to observe them until Mr. Newton began his sermon. I sighed and opened my book of prayer.

Newton began the sermon the same as any other pastor.

Though, as the sermon progressed I became increasingly alarmed as to its content; a few statements stood out above the others.

“We must take this Easter as a renewal of not only our faith, but a renewal in our commitment to the service and help of our respective patrons.”

“Those who so diligently have our best interests at heart. We must pledge ourselves to the betterment of circumstances by working harder and willingly donating of our time to the betterment of our community.”

“Those in the illustrious aristocracy see to it that we have homes, land to till, and food in times of need. We must be willing to assist them in anyway they call upon us to do so.”

This entire sermon had been not only overseen but no doubt dictated, by Lady Irena. I was sickened, appalled and embarrassed. I decided to ignore the remainder of the sermon, before I walked out all together.

Turning my attention back to Isabella, I noticed she was listening, though her expression spoke volumes. She was as appalled as I was.

Jasper seemed to hide his feelings better, yet I could tell he felt the same way. He turned and looked in my direction. We both shook our heads in disgust, silently telling each other we were not happy with this. Kate shifted uncomfortably in her seat. How sad that she should have a mother who not only would not see the treasure of a daughter she had, but one who saw fit to drive everyone away by reminding everyone of her own superiority in the way of rank.

The sermon ended, with an audible sigh of relief from the audience. Prayers were given and we were finally released. I had a feeling this would be my last visit to Rosings for quite some time.

Thank heavens.

Fighting my need to go to Isabella, I watched her exit the church with Jasper. I longed to be the one escorting her. To have her arm draped around mine.

Soon, very soon.

Turning my attention to Kate, I asked, “Are you ready cousin? The carriage awaits.”

She stood with effort, “Yes, Edward, after that abominable sermon, I believe I will need some time to compose myself before spending any significant amount of time in mother's company.”

I offered her my arm, which she took; I was always amazed at how much strength Kate possessed.

“Garrett is a very lucky man, Kate. I know you two will be happy.”

Hope shone in her eyes. “You really think so?” she asked with excitement.

I took her hand and squeezed it. “I am certain, Kate.”

We walked out of the church together, the last hour already forgotten. The rain had begun, though a slight drizzle, the thick black clouds promised more rain to come. I helped Kate into the carriage, followed by Lady Irena. Jasper was still nowhere to be found.

~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~I~

Colonel J. Whitlock

I stood in front of the church, delaying the inevitable. Not being an overly religious man, I loathed the pretentiousness of Easter at Rosings. I observed it as a day of worship, yet I felt it was more of a reminder to the parishioners of the separation of classes.

Lost in thought, I was caught off guard when my name was called.

“Colonel Whitlock?”

I turned toward the voice. Miss Isabella was walking toward me.

“Are you well sir? Shall I summon assistance?”

I had not realized I had been pacing, rather relentlessly judging from the trampled grass at my feet. I stopped at once.

“No Miss, I am well. Just restless.” I paused to think before continuing. “Rosings always seems to have my friend and me on edge.”

She let out a bitter laugh.

“So Mr. Masen’s behavior seems to change depending on the location?” She teased.

“I can not speak for how he behaved in Hertfordshire, but Mr. Masen is a very loyal friend. He takes care of those in need, never thinking of himself.”

“Really? I am astonished. It seemed to me he would not take the trouble.”

I stayed silent. It seemed that Edward had given Miss Isabella a very bad impression of himself. I was distressed for him, for it did not seem that anything I could say would make any difference.

It was a shame really; I felt she and Alice could be very good friends. Alice was in need of a female companion who possessed not only a sweetness of disposition, but a wittiness about her that allowed her confidence to speak her mind.

“Come, let me escort you to church, we can speak more later.”

She agreed and took my arm. I lead her into the church and we sat at the guest pew away from Lady Irena’s family pew.

I noticed Edward and Kate were talking while Lady Irena smiled. It was sad, the delusions she harbored; marriage between them would make no one happy. I thought back to Alice and the last time I saw her with her bright happy face. Though she was young, she had seen and experienced so much sorrow yet was able to push away the pain and remain happy.

Edward approached which was unexpected. Though, it seemed nothing about this trip this year had been expected.

He conveyed to Miss Isabella Kate’s greetings, which seemed to astonish her.

Though it was her response that astonished me.

“I thank you, sir, for condescending to deliver her message. Please tell her thank you and I wish her well.”

Condescending?

It seemed these two disliked each other more than I had realized. I was surprised though that Edward had not taken his usual route of simply ignoring her. It was obvious he was unable to offend her to the point she stayed away, it only seemed to spur her on. Miss Isabella had shown time and time again she did not back down from a fight.

She would make a great ally in battle, I mused.

The sermon began, and I prepared myself for abject tedium.

Tedium this sermon was not. I was horrified by what I was hearing. And had it been any other church, I would have gotten up and walked out in protest. It was disgusting that lady Irena was using her position as patroness to influence this young rector. Not only was the theme of this sermon about the importance of social class and serving your betters, but it put on harsh display the uselessness of the aristocracy.

No wonder so many nobles in France had lost their heads. If one treated hard working people like sheep to be lead around by the collar, they would eventually revolt.

“I take it from your reaction you do not agree with this sermon, Colonel?” whispered Miss Isabella.

“Certainly not. I am as horrified as you are.”

Miss Isabella nodded and returned her attention to the speaker. I looked toward Edward, who was looking at me; I nodded in agreement that this crossed too many boundaries. We would need to step in, and soon.

When the sermon was completed, Miss Isabella stood to quickly leave the church.

“I apologies for being hasty, sir, but I must leave before I say something I regret.”

I smiled understanding her point of view, “Of course, allow me to escort you.”

We exited quickly and started along the road to Huntsford.

“Colonel, if I may be so bold, what do you think they hoped to gain from such a sermon?”

I was momentarily confused.

“They?”

“Yes, Lady Irena, her daughter and Mr. Masen.”

She had grouped Edward and Kate in this?

“Miss Isabella, I believe I must be equally frank. Edward had nothing to do with this; in fact he seemed just as appalled as you and I.”

“Really? As I have known him, his behavior is consistent with what was said.”

This was not good. What had Edward done to make this woman despise him so? I needed to do something on his behalf.

“Edward is a very loyal friend and companion. He thinks only of others, rarely of himself. Why, recently, he told me he came to the rescue of a friend in a most terrible situation.”

She tensed and looked up at me.

“What kind of terrible situation?” she asked in earnest.

“He recently rescued a friend from a most imprudent marriage. It seemed there were strong objections to the family. So you see he is not selfish, he is constantly thinking of others.”

Her eyes looked strangely hard, but there was a fire to them now. “I see.” She paused and took a deep breath before continuing. “And who was the man?”

I saw no harm in revealing what I knew if it helped her have a better opinion of my friend.

“Mr. McCarty,” I responded.

Miss Isabella stopped walking and took in a shuddered breath.

“Sir, I am no longer feeling well enough to walk. I will sit for a moment or two. You have been so kind to escort me; I release you to return to your family.”

I was concerned she seemed very much out of sorts. I could feel the intense emotion rolling off of her.

“Are you sure? It is no trouble for me to wait.”

“No, I thank you, it is only a headache, and I will be quite well. I am just in need of some solitude. I will make my way toward the parsonage. If the rain becomes too much, I can always seek shelter.”

I was about to protest.

“Please, sir.”

I nodded, “Very well, I will inquire later on how you fair.”

We said our goodbyes, and I made my way back toward the church.

When I reached my destination, I saw Edward pacing relentlessly to the side of the building. I had not thought he would have remained behind, but something about his domineer worried me.

He was like a caged animal.

I approached cautiously. “Edward?”

He immediately stopped and turned toward me.

“Jasper, where have you been? Lady Irena left me behind to wait for you.”

His eyes seemed to have a wild desperate fire to them.

“I was escorting Miss Isabella home; she was quite done for after that ridiculous sermon.”

This seemed to alarm him more.

“Really? Is she well?” Edward voice had a desperate edge. I wonder if he was worried about how the sermon had affected her.

“I believe so; she said she was suffering a headache. The sermon it seemed was not to her liking” I said with mock civility.

Edward let out a dark laugh, “Yes, as were we all. I believe cousin it is time we step in. But that is a discussion for another time. I should call on the parsonage to inquire if she is feeling better.”

“I would give it so time, she asked me to leave her not half way to the parsonage. She seemed to require solitude.”

“You left her alone? To walk in this weather?” he snapped.

“Edward, calm yourself! I will not have you impugn my honor. She asked me to leave her, and I obliged her.”

There was something in his desperate attitude that made me uneasy.

“I am sorry, Jasper, that was not my intention. I will go after her; I cannot rest easy until I know she is safe.”

His mind was made up, and knowing him like I did, there was nothing I could say that would deter him. Miss Isabella’s words came back to me. I did not think Edwards’s appearance would be very welcome to her right now. She seemed for some reason to dislike him.

“Edward, I don’t believe that is the best course of action.”

“I thank you for your concern, friend, but this is something I need to do now. I have put it off for far too long.”

His words confused me, I watch him walk away, confidence exuding from every purposeful step.

The dark clouds finally opened and a heavy rain began to fall. Edward soon disappeared into the storm.

I hoped, whatever he thought to accomplish with his sense of duty, he would be successful.